The English National League, North, and South divisions for the 2025-26 season are a gloriously unhinged carnival of passion, pride, and pettiness so absurd it could headline its own BBC Three comedy series, complete with a laugh track and a rogue seagull stealing the spotlight.
The National League’s 24 teams, from EFL has-beens like Carlisle United and Morecambe (yes, we have included you guys and wish you all the best) , to scrappy upstarts like Scunthorpe United and Truro City, deliver fifth-tier fireworks.
Meanwhile, the North and South divisions serve up their own spicy derbies, with teams like Maidstone United, Ebbsfleet United, Slough Town, Maidenhead United, Hornchurch, Dagenham & Redbridge, Darlington, and South Shields throwing shade (and maybe a chip or two).
This blog dives into the National League system’s most bonkers rivalries for 2025-26, including the daft Southend vs. Morecambe “Shrimp Derby,” drenched in banter and oozing non-league lunacy.
Buckle up for a wild ride!
Aldershot Town vs. Woking: The Hampshire-Surrey Slapstick Showdown
In a cross-county clash, Hampshire’s Aldershot Town and Surrey’s Woking turn their National League derby into a sitcom audition for Miranda rebooted with studs. Aldershot’s Recreation Ground and Woking’s Kingfield Stadium are close enough to lob a vegan sausage roll across the border while dodging artisanal coffee spills.
This is a battle for bragging rights, where the stakes are as high as Hampshire’s hills and Surrey’s house prices.
A 2018-19 National League clash saw Aldershot sneak a 1-0 win over Woking, with Woking fans griping about a “dodgy” offside call like it was a personal attack on their sourdough.
Expect 2025-26 to be a riot—tackles so awkward they’d make a clown blush, fans squabbling over who’s got the fancier farmers’ market, and Woking’s cardinal mascot (yes, a bird) flapping into a halftime dance-off that ends in chaos. This is a Hampshire-Surrey scrap that’s pure non-league gold.
Southend United vs. Braintree Town: The Essex Extravaganza
Southend United and Braintree Town, both National League battlers, are set for an Essex derby that’s more TOWIE meltdown than Pep Guardiola masterplan. Southend’s Roots Hall is a bellowing beast of a ground, while Braintree’s Cressing Road is the plucky underdog’s lair, surrounded by fields and enough Essex attitude to fill a spray tan salon.
In a 2024-25 National League clash, Southend edged Braintree 1-0, with Braintree fans cursing a “bent” ref while Southend’s supporters strutted like they’d just bagged the Love Island crown. For 2025-26, brace for bedlam—tackles so wild they’d spook a tractor, chants about fake lashes vs. Southend’s pier swagger, and maybe a seagull snatching a chip to photobomb the ref’s selfie.
This is Essex’s loudest, proudest showdown, where a win means you own the county’s soul (and its best kebab van).
Solihull Moors vs. Tamworth: The Midlands Muppet Mayhem
Solihull Moors and Tamworth, National League neighbours, are gearing up for a Midlands scrap that’s more Kermit than Cruyff. Tamworth’s Lamb Ground is a short jaunt from Solihull’s Damson Park, making this a local brawl with more gravy than a chip shop on a Friday night.
A 2023-24 National League North clash saw Solihull nick a 1-0 win over Tamworth, with Tamworth fans screeching about a “dodgy” penalty like it was a heist on their nan’s Sunday roast. For 2025-26, expect pure pandemonium—tackles so clunky they’d wreck a combine harvester, fans bickering over who’s got the better M6 service station (Tamworth’s got a Costa, but Solihull’s fighting back), and maybe a rogue pork pie sailing from the terraces.
This is a Midlands muppet-fest where victory feels like stealing the region’s last Black Country ale.
Southend United vs. Morecambe: The Shrimp Derby Shenanigans
Southend United and Morecambe, both National League dwellers after Morecambe’s relegation, are ready for the “Shrimp Derby,” a crustacean-themed clash that’s sillier than a seafood pun-off. Southend’s Roots Hall is a raucous shrimp shack, while Morecambe’s Mazuma Stadium is a windswept seaside chippy of a ground.
A 2010-11 League Two clash saw Southend pinch a 2-1 win over Morecambe, leaving Morecambe fans saltier than a prawn cocktail.
For 2025-26, expect a fishy fiasco—tackles so wild they’d make a crab scuttle, fans hurling chants about who’s got the better shrimp mascot (Southend’s Sammy the Shrimp vs. Morecambe’s… just shrimps), and maybe a rogue cockle crisp lobbed at the ref’s whistle.
This is non-league lunacy with a side of shellfish silliness, where a win means you rule the coastal crustacean crown.
Maidstone United vs. Ebbsfleet United: The Kentish Kerfuffle
In National League South, Maidstone United and Ebbsfleet United bring their Kentish grudge match, and it’s crazier than a ferret in a fruitcake. Maidstone’s Gallagher Stadium and Ebbsfleet’s Stonebridge Road are so close fans could swap pasty orders across the county.
A 2018-19 National League clash saw Maidstone sneak a 1-0 win over Ebbsfleet, with Ebbsfleet fans wailing “robbery” over a disallowed goal like they’d lost their Kentish crown jewels.
For 2025-26, brace for bonkers—tackles so wild they’d spook a Kentish sheep, fans arguing over who’s got the better castle (Maidstone’s Leeds Castle vs. Ebbsfleet’s… Dartford tunnel?), and maybe a stray pie crust landing on the ref’s specs.
This is a Kentish comedy caper where a win feels like owning the county’s best Greggs.
Slough Town vs. Maidenhead United: The Berkshire Buffoonery
In National League South, Slough Town and Maidenhead United bring their Berkshire beef, and it’s more farcical than a Fawlty Towers blooper reel. Slough’s Arbour Park and Maidenhead’s York Road are a hop apart, perfect for fans to squabble over who’s got the better Thames-side boozer (Maidenhead’s got history, but Slough’s got spunk).
A 2019-20 National League South clash saw Maidenhead nab a 2-0 win over Slough, with Slough fans griping about a “dodgy” free-kick like it was a Thames-sized betrayal.
For 2025-26, expect absolute anarchy—tackles so clumsy they’d trip Manuel, fans bickering over who’s got the better curry house, and maybe a rogue burger wrapper landing in the keeper’s gloves. This is a Berkshire brawl that’s dafter than a barrel of drunk badgers.
Hornchurch vs. Dagenham & Redbridge: The East London Escapade
In National League South, Hornchurch and Dagenham & Redbridge bring their East London grudge match, and it’s nuttier than a cockney pearly king after one too many pints. Hornchurch’s Bridge Avenue and Dagenham’s Victoria Road are close enough for fans to argue over who’s got the better high street (Dagenham’s market vs. Hornchurch’s chippy).
A 2010-11 Conference South clash saw Dagenham sneak a 2-1 win over Hornchurch, with Hornchurch fans howling about a “dodgy” offside call like it was the cliff-hanger of EastEnders.
For 2025-26, expect pure madness—tackles so wild they’d make Dot Cotton drop her fag, fans squabbling over who’s got the better pie and mash shop, and maybe a stray chip packet landing in the ref’s tea.
This is an East London escapade that’s as barmy as a barrel of eels.
Darlington vs. South Shields: The North East Nonsense
In National League North, Darlington and South Shields bring their North East grudge match, and it’s more bonkers than a Geordie stag do in a chip shop. Darlington’s Blackwell Meadows and South Shields’ 1st Cloud Arena are close enough for fans to bicker over who’s got the better pint of bitter (and the tastiest pub grub).
A 2023-24 National League North clash saw Darlington nick a 1-0 win over South Shields, with South Shields fans moaning about a “dodgy” free-kick like it was a betrayal at the local chippy.
For 2025-26, expect utter chaos—tackles so meaty they’d make a butcher faint, chants about who’s got the better North East accent (Darlington’s got the edge), and maybe a rogue meat pie crust sailing onto the pitch. This is a North East nonsense-fest that’s pure non-league gold.
Why These Rivalries Are Non-League Gold
The 2025-26 National League system, with its mix of fallen giants like Carlisle United, plucky upstarts like Scunthorpe United, and scrappy stalwarts like Southend and York in the National League, plus bonkers South and North sides like Maidstone, Ebbsfleet, Slough, Maidenhead, Hornchurch, Dagenham, Darlington, and South Shields, is a recipe for absolute carnage.
These rivalries aren’t about global fanbases or silky skills—they’re about local pride, dodgy refs, and fans who’d rather lose their car keys than lose to their rivals.
From Southend and Braintree’s Essex antics to Darlington and South Shields’ North East nuttiness, every match is a soap opera with extra studs and a side of absurdity.
So, grab a dodgy pie, dodge the flying pint glasses, and dive into the National Leagues 2025-26 rivalries. They’re messy, they’re mental, and they’re what non-league football’s all about.
Disclaimer: No pies were lobbed in the writing of this blog, but several rivalries were lovingly roasted, and a seagull definitely nicked my chip
